I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
