and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
