She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
