He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
