I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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