my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
