we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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