the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
