i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
