maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
