I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
