3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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