that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
