I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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