whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
