he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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