Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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