We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
