Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
