She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
We have so much sex to catch up on
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
