Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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