I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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