quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
