For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
