I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm just crazy horny about you
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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