I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
