I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
