I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize