Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
