Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
