she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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