So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
