i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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