This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
