he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
