i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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