the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
