We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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