i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
