How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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