I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
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