What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
