Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize