Got a toothbrush?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
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