It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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