I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
