we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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