Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
my liver is dry heaving
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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