16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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