Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
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