Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
