It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
