Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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