time to smoke my breakfast
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I understand Curling. That high.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
