Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
