I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I puked a lego.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
