Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
