I met the friendliest cop last night
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
