I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
