I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
