I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
