1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
