Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
