Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
