if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
