great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
