He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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