my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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