There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
