I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
