Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
