I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
