Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
