Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
