I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
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