Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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