sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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