So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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