Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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