He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
