Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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