You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
