and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
