I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
