come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
