no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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