HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
