Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
