Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
