GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
