we're blogging at a bar
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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