I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
