you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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