We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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