Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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