honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
