So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
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