Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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