I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
