If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
