My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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