She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
