I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize