I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
