a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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