She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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