Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
