she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
