You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
