i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
